“This is so hard…No one talks about how hard it is.”

I hear this a lot as a mom, doula and childbirth educator. It’s true, it is hard.

What is the “it?” The balance of life: Our jobs, cleaning/cooking, children, partner, family/friends and self. To maintain it all and not feel like you’re losing your mind is flat-out hard. If someone would have sat you down and showed you the future and how challenging it would be, would that have been helpful or changed your mind? Or, is it best to learn who we truly are through the hard stuff?

Pregnancy alone can be a balance that is hard. For some, the getting pregnant part happens more quickly than others. The path by which children get here is not always smooth and easy or “traditional.” For both of my sons we had no challenges getting pregnant, but the pregnancy part was very challenging. Basically, it was like signing up for the flu for nine months — that type of sickness nearly every day. There were many times I questioned why it had to be so hard. If someone would have told me this was a possible outcome, would I have still done it? I’m actually still learning from the experience, so not sure. Doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for our children. I love them so much. It was just so hard.

Why can’t I just be one of those moms that has no idea she is pregnant and blissfully finds out at five months with no symptoms at all? … I truly do have a bit of envy.

If you are currently pregnant or in your postpartum time, I want to validate your personal “hard.” Yes, it is hard. Not necessarily everyday hard, but sometimes it can feel like that. Some days are minute by minute and other days you might realize you’ve had a whole day and it wasn’t too difficult.

Don’t get me wrong, there are many joys along the way, but sometimes the joy gets overshadowed by the hard. I’m trying my best to let the joy shine brighter then the hard, but also to be real in the hard, too.