Being Behind in Life

Raise your hand if you feel behind most of the time in life. I’ve got my hand raised high. Ugh, I truly hate the feeling of being behind. Not sure if it’s because I need to routinely cross things off of my to do list — which is always a mile long — or if it’s my unchanging desire to feel like I’m “moving forward” in life.

Here are several definitions of  the word, “behind.” (I love getting down to the meaning of a word.)

• at or the far side or the backside of something (LOL!)
• remaining after someone or something is gone
• further back than other members of a group

Let’s first start with being behind with personal goals or places we saw ourselves in life. It’s an unsettling feeling when you aren’t where you want to be. Especially when you are trying so hard and have so many challenges blocking you from reaching goals and places.  It’s hard to sit in the unsettlement that life brings. How can you sit in unsettlement and not feel like you are behind or not accomplishing things in life? I truly want to learn how to feel settled in the “behind” of life. When we are further back than others, can we have peace and know that’s it’s just not the time or maybe it’s never suppose to be our time? Can we know 100 percent when that right time is?

Having had a career as a performer it was very easy to feel that I was behind others. People would get roles at theaters esteemed to be the best in the city. They would get name recognition and attention by media or others peers. There were times I really had no clear reason why I didn’t get cast in a show, or sometimes I knew my fate was simply so because people were more talented or better-suited than me. That feeling of being behind could both discourage and motivate me then.

When it comes to motherhood. Oh boy, where do I start? When I write this I’m speaking to my personal experience, but also experiences that I have heard of others. This might not be your feelings on parenting at all. Hear me out! Parenting is a role that causes many to feel behind. There is no way that one can care for another human besides and not feel behind. The responsibility of caring for others can be so great.

Life can easily pile up on moms fast, but that doesn’t mean that’s bad. How can you manage the pile-up? Little by little and step by step. There may be somedays where you get caught up fast and other days where you stay in the same place. Or times where it feels like light-speed happens and you’re in a completely different place that you hoped for.

It’s easy to get down on ourselves when we feel behind. This summer, I had hoped to blog more and now here I am posting for the first time since May. (Gulp) Even though I’ve had my own personal struggle with an illness that has put my to-do list longer than a country mile, I’m feeling better: I’ve been tackling that list one step at a time and this illness has taught me how to live at a slower pace of life than I thought I needed.

We are all at different places, spaces and times. What if we could find and have acceptance for where we are at and not compare to those around us? So easier said than done, but it’s something to strive for.