BIRTHday

Happy BIRTHday! Why BIRTH day? Because a birth took place on that day. A human was born into the world on a certain day and time. I write “BIRTHday” often to my doula clients when I see pictures of their children growing every year.  It’s a way of acknowledging what they went through on that day and time however many years ago. It’s very easy for the world to forget that day, but for that person that birthed that human, it was transformational.

Last month and this month our oldest will turn 10 and youngest 4.  Weeks before their BIRTHday I get emotional and sad.  You hear that time flies fast when you have children, but sometimes you don’t realize how fast it’s going until another birthday comes and goes. I think the emotions come with what my body physically went through for their births. Almost like a post-emotional response to that day. Your memory during the birth is fuzzy, but slowly details start to reappear and then you are able to process those moments.  You remember exact times: Silly things, like how I was watching The Master’s and missing an amazing Easter brunch with my oldest and how the weather was amazing during the days leading up to the birth of my youngest. It’s like time did slow and even stop around those events.

Some of the sadness for me comes from thinking whether I’ve done enough for my children in this year. It’s easy to think that you could have done more or been more.

Ten, how is my oldest going to be 10! The day he turned 5 he ran in to our room and proclaimed, “I’m one whole hand!” Now, sweet boy, you are on the verge of “two whole hands.” Cue the tears flowing: 10 feels so big to me. Why? That little boy is turning into a young man. Don’t get me wrong, he has a lot of growing up to do, but there is a shift happening. He does promise me he’ll still hold my hand every now and then when he is a teenager, … but we shall see.  I love his passion for music/instruments and birds at this moment. He loves to read encyclopedias and then share facts with us 24/7. He will say, “Did you know. …” Me: “Nope I did not know that.” I’ve learned so much from him. Hopefully it will payoff and he wins some game show some day. Our little thing together is telling each other, “Love you, googleplex.”

Four, our youngest is 4! This is super odd. It’s really flying by with him. Seems like yesterday I was holding a baby and worrying about how I was going to feed him.  This now 4-year-old is straight up Mr. Personality. He has us and many people laughing over his daily interactions. From his pretend play to working in “his office” and sending emails; from his passion for rock ‘n roll music to his always wanting to talk and tell stories, this kid keeps this mama busy. One thing I can’t get over is how often he says I’m beautiful or his pretty princess. Talk about charming? Love you “lotta bits,” buddy.

Just even writing this makes me realize I’m emabracing both the BIRTH of their birthdays and the celebrations of their birthdays and turning another age.

Even if your birthing process was challenging, you can embrace the emotions and feelings that comes with that. Realizing, yes these humans transformed us, but they also are enriching us in that transformation. Sometimes it’s not right away, but years down the road.

Something I do the night before their birthday is take a picture of them sleeping. I sit by their bedside and hold their hand. This is a moment I treasure so much. In a way I’m letting that age go and welcoming this new age on which they are about to embark. So, … happy BIRTHday to the two boys that call me, Mom. I love you so much and will keep embracing you in all the transitions that life brings.